How to write an exciting blog

by ~lexidh

How to write an exciting blog in 15 easy steps!

1: First you need a very cool username! Your real name doesn't do. Something with "sex" "666" "devil" "tears" "angel" or a lot of XxXxX in it should do.

2: Live an exciting life and write about that. If you don't have a great life, make up stuff you COULD have done during the day.

3: Update at least once per day. You don't get those all important pageviews if people don't come back every day.

4: Provoke your readers. Politics is a great way to do that. If you live in the US; write about why you support Bin Laden. If you live anywhere else; write about why you support Bush. If that fails you can pretend to have homophobia, hate _all_ animals, be a racist or become a nazi.

5: Tell about your sex life. If you don't have one, make one up. The more sex partners, the better.

6: Take and post a lot of pictures, often. Clothes are no good, try to aviod those. If you don't own a camera you should steal other peoples pictures. You should at least get a webcam to show off yourself, and your cat/dog/whatever. If you are eating something, take a picture of that too.

7: If another blog you read writes about something you find stupid, don't let the author get away with it! Write your arguments in your blog and use a lot of nasty words that you link back to the blog in question. Remember to put that person down for weeks, and comment in that blog all the time with links back to you putting them down. Use trackback if possible.

8: Write horrible things about your friends, family and coworkers. Don't leave anything out!

9: Involve yourself in a huge project your readers can follow, like getting pregnant, build something large, plan a wedding or take over the world. And at all times you should "diet". Never lose any weight, but complain about your weight while you keep your regular diet. If you gain weight you have a perfect opportunity to rant!

10: Tell EVERYONE you meet about your blog, both online and offline. Lots of readers and comments is the most important thing of all!

11: Post a lot of lyrics that seem to have a deeper meaning. That makes you look reflected and smart.

12: Take ANY survey you can find and post them in your blog. If it's a long time since you found a new one, make one up! If it spreads to other blogs you are well on your way to total popularity! And take a lot of tests and post the results in your blog. Remember to fake the results if you think the fake results makes you look better.

13: Fake depression. Pretend to want to kill yourself every week. That gives you a lot of those all important comments! You should also write something depressing poetry of your own once in a while, and don't update your journal with more than that piece of depressing poetry all day.

14: You don't have to spellcheck. Typoos, l337-74lk and shrt wrds work just as well as proper english.

15: Have a link to your wishlist in your blog at all times. Your readers may want to buy you something if they feel sorry for you or think you are supercool.